


Lindòrea (The Great Gig In The Sky

by TheRealJeanGenie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adventure & Romance, F/M, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Minor Original Character(s), POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Slow Burn, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, Written Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26720038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealJeanGenie/pseuds/TheRealJeanGenie
Summary: “We will meet there, where the Light and the Darkness touch.”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Lindòrea (The Great Gig In The Sky)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20622509) by [TheRealJeanGenie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealJeanGenie/pseuds/TheRealJeanGenie). 



> The prologue of "Lindòrea" dates back to January 2018. The last word of the epilogue was written in November 2019.
> 
> Everything I wanted for Ben and Rey is in here. I did everything to complete it before Episode IX came out. I was convinced that we would have had a wonderful ending to the saga, but I still wanted to tell my ideal future for these characters. I chased the canon, as it was modified during the writing, to remain as consistent as possible to the original story. Where I could not, I looked for reasonable compromises.
> 
> This story begins where The Last Jedi ends (although the prologue and epilogue are two flash-forwards) and tells mainly about Ben and Rey. The other characters are supportive. I had in mind a sort of spin off to deepen the story from the point of view of the Resistance but, after TroS, it would no longer make sense to write it.
> 
> And it was after TroS that someone told me, "You should translate it. There’s a great need for it right now." 
> 
> So I threw myself into this quest to shake the veins of the wrists.
> 
> English is not my language, and I would not have gone far without the help of [Atlantis Lux ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlantisLux/) who has revised and continues to revise my sheets full of mistakes.
> 
> That said, any help, suggestion or correction from English speakers will not only be welcome but desired.
> 
> This is a slow burn. It takes all the time it needs before Ben and Rey jump each other. 
> 
> And it has rather long chapters (someone asked me to break them up to make them easier to read. I said no. Chapters have a very specific structure).
> 
> If you make it to the end, I promise you won’t be disappointed. The updates will not be very fast (translating and correcting is not really a cakewalk) but I’m going to get to the end.
> 
> There is a one shot that anticipates Lindòrea ([Epitaph on Ambria](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224780)), but reading it is not indispensable. The title is in Elfic and means "Song that spreads at dawn".  
>  I want to thank the guys from [Reylo Italia](https://www.facebook.com/groups/ReyloItalia/?ref=share) and [From Italy with Reylo](http://fromitalywithreylo.tumblr.com) for their support and for having read it ALL. 
> 
> And now, despite the fear, it’s time to start.

**Lindòrea**  
**(The Great Gig in the Sky)**

_You don't really want smooth sailing._  
_You carry your own storm wherever you go._

( **Dorothy Malone** , The Last Sunset)

**PROLOGUE**

Atzerri seemed the most sensible choice. A free harbor made up of independent states where any sale or barter is possible. Dealing was not easy, but Poe Dameron is certain that they could not have managed better than this. What is left of the Republic is rising again from this prosperous and rich place.

The capital, in the five years that have passed since their flag is been planted, is loosing its appearance of a village buried in the woodland. Buildings just come out of nowhere like stony mushrooms, new welcome points are required for visiting diplomats and the exploitation of resources, a crucial condition to recreate the only possible form of civilization, proceeds without obstacles.

Despite this, Poe Dameron fears the weight of expectations. He is not a politician. He does not even know how he found himself speaking in the mame of Resistance and, with that, acting like he spent all of his life taking decisions and evaluating what’s best for their people. From the little palace where is temporarily located the interim Senate, he can take a look at what’s happening below, in the small square where those who chose to follow them and to take root in the new capital, meet, chat and exchange opinions and greetings. Acting as if the war never happened. Even if the bronze statue representing General Organa, Han Solo and Luke Skywalker, will never cease to remind them that, five years earlier, they have faced and defeated the First Order. The plaque at the foot of the statue reminds the names of all of those who have lost their lives so that the New Empire could not take shape. 

He allows himself to be optimistic and to believe that the worst is over. Perhaps peace will last centuries. He offered his own personal sacrifice for their cause. His right arm still hurts and it will never be like before. It will forever remind him of the last battle they fought, the one that almost cost him his life. It throbs with a continuous and scorching pain, but it was totally worth it, even though he will no longer be the pilot he used to. It could be replaced with a cybernetic limb. A lot of people would do that. But he plans to die along with all the parts of his body, sometimes in the very distant future.

Right now, his works is to put his brain to good use. There are decisions to make and they are just novices, kids that must rebuild a historic alliance and fix the disasters the war caused.

There is no such things like mystical powers to help them. In five years, no one has heard of the Force. Poe knows it exists and it is in everything. But there is no one left able to use it.

“She was seen. This time it’s real. It was her for sure.”

Finn keeps repeating this. And, every time, his eyes are filled with hope. Then he leaves in search of Rey, as if he really believes that and he actually thinks he could find her and bring her back. She disappeared right before the final battle, determined to face Kylo Ren, once and for all, and no one knows what became of her. Poe remembers clearly the look on her face in those furious days. Rey seemed to look out over a distant horizon, unreachable for anyone but her. They tried to stop her, to talk some sense into her, but she would not listen. She repeted for days, over and over: “He’s calling me. We must fight and then it’s over.” 

And one morning she simply left. She took the Millennium Falcon, get past the enemy lines and disappear. No one really understood her bond with Kylo Ren. Jedi stuff. But she was not Luke Skywalker. She never had his power. Poe is sure she is dead. Maybe Ren is dead, too. He had already left the leadership of the First Order, even if they were not aware of it, at the time. Poe had never known Ren’s motivation and neither knows what happened to his subordinates.

But two armies clashed and they won. That is all that matters, now. Every mystical drift must be set aside.

Strenghtening himself he leaves the room and the contemplation that has captured his thoughts. Whether he likes it or not, he has to get back to work, but it’s not exactly surprising to find Finn waiting for him. He has been back for a week, too thin and tired. Poe knows he won’t stay long, just as he knows what he’s going to tell him. The latest time, he’s been quiet for three months. A chance that won’t happen again.

Poe stops and listens to Finn, although now he keeps this habit just because he considers himself Finn’s friend and he would never want to hurt him by destroying his hopes.

“Poe, they seen her. She was on Jelucan. Once again they spoke of a woman dressed in gray with strange powers. It’s her.”

Another sighting. Poe already knows how this will end, but looking for Rey is what keeps Finn alive. He can’t imagine a single reason why Rey should been on that mountain-covered planet of the Outer Rim. But it doesn’t matter. “Do you want to go and check it out?”

Finn nods. Not that Poe had expected a different answer.

“Take Rose with you. Jelucan is a nice place. The air is good. If nothing happens, you can still stop there for a few days, hiking up some inaccessible mountain path. And I recommend warm clothes.” For years Rose has been waiting patiently for that absurd story to end. If it can help her out with Finn, then that trip won’t be entirely futile.

“Poe…” Finn hesitates and Poe wonders what else is important to say. He had expected Finn to run straightaway to collet his things to leave before the evening comes.

“What?” he asks, without much interest, but Finn’s answer makes him shiver with fear.

“It looks like she wasn’t alone.”


	2. 1.

**1.**  


_I've lost my battle before it starts_   
_My first breath wasn't done_   
_My spirit's sunken deep_   
_Into the ground_   
_Why am I alone_   
_I can hear my heartbeat_   
_Silence's all around_

( **Blind Guardian** , _Mordred’s Song_ )

The moons of Concord Dawn are rising slowly over the horizon while Rey of Jakku strikes with a downward blow the man in dark clothes. 

“Submit, Jedi” he had said. “Submit and you may receive a quick death.” 

He didn’t tell her his name, he didn’t show her his face, but now bleeding he flees, a fortune that did not meet those who preceded him on that field day.

Until now, the Knights of Ren had only appeared in her nightmares. Now they’re calling for her head.

All around her, the air is filled with smoke and the smell of overheated metal. She moves fast, before a Stormtrooper hits Poe Dameron who tries to get out from the cockpit of his downed X-Wing. She holds the blaster and fires against the man in the white armour who falls to the ground. Rey had stopped counting them. She had struck, she had protected her commander, she had killed again.

She’ll get used to it, sooner or later, and she will stop thinking that, in other circumstances, if he had not been a traitor, if he had not had that scruple of conscience, that corpse could had been Finn’s. Rey helps Poe to get out of the aircraft, then lifts her eyes to the last fires that are flashing over their heads. How long will they have to go on? They are winning the battle but now it has no meaning. The number of opponents on both sides is shrinking. Whoever wins that war, it will be a costly victory.

“The Star Destroyers have withdrew, but they’ll be back. They won’t let us just fly away” Poe informs her.

Yet they must leave and they have do it quickly. They have almost finished supplies and deliveries. First Order decision of starving them to death is a cruel and cowardly option, but their strategic options points are well concealed. It’s a real siege, with daily sorties. In these days, she has often wondered what is happening to their frightening army and why they esitate to destroy what remains of Concord Dawn. Pilots are on their way back. Again, tonight, they will be forced to count their losses. After making sure that on the ground there are only wounded men, unable to follow them and to reveal their position, Rey’s about to walk to the sidelines, when she hear Poe talk on the comlink.

His tired and embittered gaze rests on her. “General Hux has been captured.”

Rey closes her eyes and concedes herself a sigh of relief. “It’s over…” she whispers.

“No. Not until their leader is alive.” Poe’s sentence arrives ruthlessly. “And you know I don’t mean Hux.”

Rey nods and remains silent. By now, she can do that very well. To nod and to remain silent. She has been lying to her companions for months. None of them know that Kylo Ren has abandoned his role as Supreme Leader, he left the First Order and just disappeared, leaving behind only the scary Knights of Ren who are hunting her, as if her death were the priority order they received.

None of them know that Kylo Ren probably went crazy. Just her. Because she talks to him. And she is living on her own skin something similar. It is a matter that does not concern others and that she must solve alone. Somewhere, he’s yelling. Somewhere, he keeps calling her. And this has nothing to do with the ongoing war.

\----

Sheltered behind the rocks, many curious eyes spy on them. People of Garel have not seen such a show since the days of the Empire.

Kylo Ren feels their anxiety while the red lightsaber sinks into the metal of the axe.

As a ground for a duel, those rocks are not the ideal. It takes a moment to lose stability.

_Lightness_ , he says to himself. _May the Force make me air-like._

The soul of his adversary is restless and angry. Even though once they were companions, now Kylo Ren is considered a traitor. He didn’t waste his time trying to justify himself. It’s rumored that he is violating the dictates of the Force and of the Dark Side. It’s rumored that he and the last Jedi are plotting to destroy anyone mastering the Force, to remain its absolute holders.

It doesn’t matter to him. Let them come and challenge him, all of them. Once again, the red saber sizzles as it hits and strikes, burning flesh, cloth and metal.

Another Knight of Ren has been defeated and he is no longer able to fight, even though Kylo was careful not to hit his vital organs. He has no idea who else is after him or Rey. But she’s still alive, angry and sad. He senses her pain vibrating under his skin, as if he felt it himself.

“I need you. You belong to me. You’ll stay here until you’re well again. You’ll stay here until I call you.”

The Knight submits without adding a word. Indigenous eyes that look at them are glass pits wrapped in gray rags. Fear, reverence... someone whispers his name. Kylo Ren wonders if they enjoyed the show. He will leave to them the task of healing the wounds of his adversary.

The fact that they know him on that desolate planet does not give him any pride. He stopped seeking glory and power since he left the First Order. Two months have passed and he has stopped wondering what might have been the real reason that led him to turn his back on everything he’d conquered.

Nothing around him was of any interest. Dominion, submission, planet after planet of every known world. It all seemed empty and impalpable. It was something totally different that call him, with the force of a magnet to which it was impossible to escape.

It was then that the Knights of Ren began to attack. He faced two of them. Rey took care of getting rid of a third opponent. That reckless kid almost got herself killed. If a mine hadn’t exploded too close to her opponent, leaving her time for the decisive lunge and forcing her potential killer to retreat, now that crazy little girl would be dead.

_It does not make sense. None of this makes any sense_ , he reflects returning to his Tie. _They’re acting like hitmen, but that’s not who they are._

Looks like they’re looking for a lost way, too. He can’t help them. He can’t, right now. Not while everything he believed in falls apart around him. But he still needs their power to get to the bottom of his quest. They have to carry out tasks assigned to them before he left everything.

And the only thing he’s sure of is that he won’t let them kill Rey. That is a pleasure he has reserved for himself.

***

  
_Calm down, relax, breathe deeply. Calm down, relax, breathe deeply._

It didn’t do any good to run hot shower water on herself. Of course, it is a privilege she often indulge in anyway. Even in that fugitive existence, the memory of when, on Jakku, to allow herself a fifteen-minute bath she had to starve three days, pushes her to linger in the water more than her companions do, until her skin looks strange, white and not quite right. But that day, after drying and wearing clean clothes, Rey immediately feels a brand-new, cold sweat patina, covering her head to toe. And then comes the shaking, of course. It happens every time she senses that _something_ in her head she defines ‘the call’. It’s a kind of alien will that makes her violently feel the desire to leave. Leave. Without giving her any indication of the destination. And Rey is sure that _he_ has something to do with it, in some twisted way. Because she can’t really get Kylo Ren out of her mind. Because he keeps sneaking into her thoughts every time the call comes. Kylo Ren, that day, on a stony, rusty-smelling planet, fought. And she was there, unable to escape that unwanted symbiosis, and she made every stroke through his arm, she felt fatigue through his muscles, she felt the Force running through his veins with all the painful intensity of the Dark Side.

There are questions she never got an answer for. But she’d like to be sure he’s the one who sent the hitman in black she ran into the night before. It would make things a lot easier.

The visions that have haunted her since she found the Skywalker lightsaber are becoming darker and darker. But it does not matter. If she wants to get rid of them, if she doesn’t want to risk an unwanted descent into madness, she has to eliminate Kylo Ren.

It’s not fair. It’s not compassionate. Her conscience rebels against that thought. But she’s got no choice. She can’t back out just because Ben Solo has kind eyes. Because she confessed him her insecurities and fears.

Because he believed in her.

_Foolfoolfool…_

There’s no happy ending waiting for them. He wouldn’t follow her. And she was a fool to think it could have been so easy. The demons that Ben Solo carries inside cannot be soothed by affection and kindness.

She’s coming to terms with the idea that Luke was right. Ben is lost forever.

“Hey…”

Finn probably knocked, but she was too absorbed in her thoughts. On the other hand she shares temporary accommodation with six other people and it’s just a coincidence that she’s alone now. Finn allowed himself to enter because the concept of private spaces in those crazy days is dangerously precarious.

“Hi.” He also looks devastated by fatigue.

They need to get off that planet fast. Although their shelter, lying twelve kilometres below ground level, in one of the gigantic bunkers built when the southern hemisphere was disintegrated, is untraceable from the outside. That day too they had a dozen dead and a hundred wounded people. Poe is certain that the First Order is in disarray. She believes it will end badly for both sides.

“We’re about to question Hux. I thought you wanted to attend.”

Rey nods, then follows him out of her quarters. She wouldn’t miss it for anything. General Hux never showed any sign of mercy. Why would they have any for him?

They had taken away his weapons and uniform and they had locked him in an old warehouse. The bunkers don’t need cells and they had to find another way.

The smile on the General’s face is the brazen one of those who do not believe they are defeated, yet. Rey doesn’t know what they’re going to do with him. But right now it’s all about having him there. Whoever takes his place will need time to organize.

Poe is talking to him. He’s demanding the surrender of the First Order. Rey wonders if he’s really optimistic enough to believe Hux can accept. But she does not intervene even when the eyes of the prisoner move on her and his grin grows wider.

“Listen to me, don’t look at her” snapping his fingers, Poe calls him to attention. “Tell you what, Big Bad General. You help us get your boss. Do you know who is he? The tall one, always angry, in his grandmother’s black coat. We send you back to your men safe and sound, and you in return take your army and you all go beyond the Outer Rim, find yourself a peaceful planet and dedicate to fishing and agriculture. And we’ll pretend we never met. What do you think?”

“I think what I’ve always thought of you, Dameron. That you’re an imbecile.”

Poe doesn’t react. Rey admires him for his self-control. But the proposal made to Hux is more naive than when…

_Than when I asked Ben to come with me? No, I’m sorry, Poe. As for stupidity, I’m still undefeated._

“We don’t know where is Ren. We haven’t heard from him in months.” The satisfaction he feels is evident on Hux’s face. “You can try to flush him out, but even if you do, you’ll never catch him. You have no idea…” The prisoner gives himself a moment to reflect on the choice of words. “He’s gone crazy. And you can’t catch a madman who wields so much power. And by the way, our weapons are still deployed and ready to fire on you. How can you expect to be in a position of advantage, General Dameron? Our power has not been affected. And Kylo Ren is but a useless relic of the extinct myth of the Force.”

“You don’t even know what the Force is! You don’t…” Rey steps forward. Hux no longer seems so fearful, with dishevelled red hair falling on his eyes and the dirty face covered in soot.

“You’re right. But you’re a vestige, just like our young Supreme Leader. Like your ridiculous doctrine. That’s why you understand each other perfectly. Sometimes a well-placed camera in an elevator can be revealing. You and Kylo Ren are just…”

Hux doesn’t have to mention _him_. He doesn’t have to talk about _him_. She doesn’t know how it happened but she finds herself on Hux and her hands that squeeze his throat do not even need to apply pressure. They do not even touch Hux’s neck. Yet something takes his breath. His face gets cyanotic and pupils dilate as red veins emerge overbearing around the pale irises.

Finn drags her away and only a glimmer of self-control prevents her from reacting, from hurting him and only when they find themselves alone the breath of Rey returns regular and that absurd motion of anger vanishes as it came.

“What’s wrong with you?” She has never seen Finn angry. Nor has she ever seen him look at her that way. “That is not you. That…”

“He’s just a murderer.” A good excuse, but she actually can’t figure out what’s wrong with her. She just lost control.

_Luke would laugh at me. I wanted to be a Jedi and instead I lose my head at the slightest provocation._

There’s something else, but she’d rather not think about it. Finn’s right. That wasn’t her. She spent too much time in symbiosis with the furious thoughts of Kylo Ren. And they stuck to her.

“That’s why we’re different, Rey. We’re better than them. We do not strike an unarmed man. Even if he’s Armitage Hux.”

"Really?” Rey smiles at him bitterly. Naive, sweet Finn. They’re fighting a war. There are no innocents. But maybe he’s right. They are better. They fight for a universe of harmony and peace.

_But…_

“Something’s wrong, Finn. I feel that every step we take on both sides drags us into chaos. The Dark Side is guiding us even though we don’t realize it.” _  
_

_I have to stop this before it eats me alive.  
_

Finn cannot fully understand. None of them can. With the exception of Ben. If anything of Ben still survives. 

“I have to go to him” she declares as a bitter taste takes her mouth. “I must go to him and extinguish his power. Or there will never be peace.”

“He will kill you” Finn says while his voice trembles slightly.

Rey doesn’t answer. He’s probably right. But she stopped being afraid of Kylo Ren for a good while. What she feels at the thought of having him in front of her is more frightening than the idea of killing or being killed by him. 

****

His wounds are superficial. Kylo Ren can take his time before a medical droid gets him back on his feet. He needs silence. For a long time he had not felt the very essence of the Force pulsating with such ferocity.

_Since you exterminated your comrades…_

Kylo Ren curses his thoughts. They wouldn’t be so fierce if they didn’t resonate in his head in Luke Skywalker’s voice.

Except the vital systems, all equipment aboard the Finalizer is down. The ship is a standstill floating in the middle of nowhere, waiting.

He knows he has decisions to make, and his very survival depends on them.

But, right now, all he has to do is to flush out a stowaway.

He is not one of the Knights of Ren. His spirit emanates a spark of raw Force and he is clumsy in hiding.

Kylo Ren felt his presence on board the Tie that brought him back on the Finalizer and he had never let his guard down. He played with him, waited for him to strike but hours passed and the intruder didn’t show up.

He closes his eyes to locate him, and the extreme ease with which he detects the unwelcomed guest bring a grin to his lips.

He’s hiding in Launch Bay 3 and he’s convinced he went unnoticed.

With maximum calm Kylo Ren waits for the turbolift to go down of twelve levels, then he walks for the two corridors leading to his destination.

He finds that he doesn’t harbour a feeling of anger, but just a sort of amused indifference.

The intruder is as light as a feather as he lifts him up, snatching him from behind a bank of power converters, his legs kicking only the air. This is probably the first time he’s experienced the Force on himself. Kylo Ren understands it from the way the intruder struggles trying to free himself from the invisible grip that immobilizes him up in the air. He’s a 12-year-old boy, covered in rags and dust, and this is unexpected and surprising.

“What a strange assassin” Kylo reflects out loud.

He lets him go and the boy falls to the ground with a thud.

“Who sent you?” he asks while the stowaway struggles to get up. 

“I’m not an assassin. I… I want to learn from you.”

_Learning from me. What a stupid idea. Suicidal, I would say._

Kylo Ren lights his lightsaber. A quick lunge and then he will throw the corpse in the garbage. He wasted enough time.

“Wait. Wait.” The boy falls down again on his knees and he lifts his hands as if he had the slightest chance of defending himself against the lethal blade of scarlet light. Then he looks around and closes his eyes. If he wasn’t constantly vigilant, Kylo Ren wouldn’t even notice the little screw rolling towards his unwanted guest. But he’s trained to consider every detail. So the movement of the small metal object does not go unnoticed.

_He knows how to use the Force. Rough and coarse, but evident. An unfortunate boy. He’ll end up like the others._

“I want to become a Sith. Please. Take me as your disciple.”  


The boy speaks in an arrogant and unexpected way and every trace of fear seems to have vanished.  


_A Sith…_   


“I’m not a Sith.”  


The situation is getting ridiculous. But he finds interesting that that brat asked to become a Sith and not a Jedi.  


_Even if this is only a proof of your deep ignorance. And of the clumsiness of who sent you here. You don’t even know what the Sith are. You’re just a delusional kid._   


“Teach me, please. No one knows the Dark Side like you. You are Kylo Ren. You’ve been my hero since forever. I’ve always wanted to meet you.”  


No, it would not be polite to burst out laughing into his face. Hero. He called him _hero_. He has a pretty distorted idea of the concept.   


“You start from the wrong assumptions, kid. You’re an enthusiast. And you overestimate yourself. But you know nothing about the Dark Side.”  


He wonders why he’s wasting his time, instead of throwing the boyout of an airlock immediately.  


“Do you have any idea of the trouble you’re in?” he asks lifting the boy from the ground again and crushing him against a wall. But this time the kid doesn’t wriggle. He’s afraid but he’s trying to hide it.  


_Deluded…_   


"Moving objects…" A really fun diversion. He hasn’t smiled since…

_Since Luke caught us stealing kaadu eggs and instead of punishing us, he started cooking them for us. It was a week before everything fell apart..._

“And you blabber nonsense about the Dark Side. You’d fail before you even started.”

“Test me. I won’t disappoint you, sir.”

_Tenacious and stubborn. You remind me of her. Also for the layer of dirt that covers you._

“I don’t care if you disappoint me or not, kid.”

“I’m not a kid. I’m Han.”

Hit. Surprised with his guard lowered. That name was enough. A vile emotional trick. Now more than ever, he’s sure that pile of rags and dirty hair is lying.

_Han._

Kylo Ren drops him, then drags the kid without much kindness into the nearest closet. It’s the right place for him. He closes the boy in making sure he can’t unlock the door even with the spark of Force accompanying him.

He’s a spy. And he even lied about his name.

_Han._

He just has to decide whether to send his head to Hux or Rey. Whoever taught him, whoever whispered Han’s name in his ears, ordering him to pass it off as his own, will pay the ultimate price.

***

In her dreams, Rey of Jakku sees men in black cloaks. They emerge from the light and their pace is strong. In her dreams Rey of Jakku sees grey forms with their hands full of light rising against them. Before time was set, before the Jedi were Jedi, Rey of Jakku sees arms that are not arms open to welcome her. But they are not arms, even if they have the same warmth, as they envelop her spirit.

_I want to stay here. It’s so beautiful here._

Sith. Jedi. A little story that only goes back to yesterday. She doesn’t want to hear it. It doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter. And yet it’s ringing in her ears like pounding water.

_Water. Stasis. Birth._

And that is…

_Ben…_

…Kylo Ren and his saber running through her chest. But it doesn’t hurt. Where’s the pain? Rey cannot move. Her arm is locked. Because her saber sinks into Kylo Ren’s chest. And he doesn’t feel pain either.

Everything is motionless and suspended. Everything but the crumbling planets. Except the universe collapsing on itself.

_Rey…_

“Get out of my head!” Rey hisses, knowing that she is awake. They shared the same dream. It’s a certainty that makes her feel violated. There was absolute peace and it belonged only to her. _Only_ to her. She would have wanted to keep believing that.

Her eyes are finally open as they get used to the darkness of her quarters.

He is not there. A knot of bitterness tightens her stomach. If he showed up, they could end it. She could yell at him how much he hurt her. But he doesn’t show up. On the other hand it was never a question of will. It just happened.

_And it was beautiful. When did it start to be something beautiful?_

The reverberation in the dark no longer surprises her. The first time she was scared to death, now she begins to find that presence comforting. Luke Skywalker is sitting at the foot of her cot. The force envelops his figure making him shine like a kyber crystal that awakens to the Light.

“I’m losing my mind…” Rey murmurs. She would desperately need to cry. Her companions continue to sleep. No one noticed the ghostly visitor.

“Probably.” There is no mockery in Luke’s voice. He’s absolutely calm. Resigned, perhaps.

_No, he’s not. He’s waiting for me to choose._

Rey pulls herself up and sits by his side. She knows that the Force Ghosts can make themselves tangible, but she has no illusions. He won’t take her hands to comfort her. “Tell me what to do. Do I have to kill him?”

“Probably.”

Rey bites her lips. She would have given anything for another answer.

“You’re not helping.” She gets up and walks away from him.

_If it’s going to be like this, then it’s all for nothing. Even your death. If I kill him, he will have won. He will have shown me he was right._

Water. She dreamed of water. Rey looks for her canteen, she opens it and she empties it on her face.

_Wake up. You’re still dreaming. Wake up._

“We have their leader. The First Order is dead.” She repeats it more to herself than to him, as if it could make it real. Hux made fun of her. How could he be wrong? Where did the Jedi path lead her? And where did it lead Ben?

“As if it matters, now…” A small laugh. But there’s still no derision in Luke’s voice. 

“I will go looking for him.” He is waiting for her. She will not be able to escape him for much longer. They have to meet and confront.

“I can’t help you, you know.”

Yes, she knows it well. Force Ghosts give wise counsel, but they cannot interfere.

Rey stares at the glowing face of her mentor. The gruff expression of his face has not changed but an air of serenity unknown to her veils his eyes. “He unleashed the Kights of Ren against me. I’ll do it for my own survival.”

She keeps asking herself. Why is Ben proving to be such a coward? Why doesn’t he get his own hands dirty? He sent his assassins. His disciples.

_If you really want me dead, why don’t you come and face me?_

Rey got rid of one of them, injuring him and forcing him to withdraw. But she feels their disturbing presence at every step she takes.

Luke doesn’t answer her. If he knows anything about those dark creatures he’s not going to tell her. It is no surprise to see him disappear without even a word of encouragement. 

"You are always very useful, Master Skywalker…"

***

He only has a few scratches on him. The duel was less challenging than he expected. In the sick bay, Kylo Ren lets the droids take care of him. He could do without it but he needs to close his eyes and not think about anything while the skin flaps are sewn up. No anesthetic. The stinging clears his thoughts.

The voice coming from the intercom is feminine but metallic. It would sound even sensual if the idea of mating with a piece of iron was one of his fantasies. The synthetic interlocutor informs him that the Resistance has achieved another victory.

_Useless Hux…_

“The situation is currently completely stalled. But the chances of the First Order to regain all the lost ground are 97%. While the chances that the Resistance attempt a sortie is currently 87%. The chances of success are…”

“Shut up.”

“Excuse me, sir. There is a message for you. Can I deliver it or should I keep quiet?”

His father always claimed that outbursts of anger never lead to anything good. That punching an engine will only result in more damage. His father was a hypocrite and regularly punched the Millennium Falcon. Kylo Ren, at that moment, would like to destroy the intercom.

“Deliver” he commands.

Nothing he didn’t expect. A black figure and map of a planet. An invitation, a challenge.

So far, he’s been playing into the hands of his former comrades. But the opportunity of this is beginning to evaporate. The holographic image becomes sharper, showing him limestone rocks, lava streams and charred trees. Definitely a pleasant place for a duel. 

“I don’t have time for this” he mutters to himself, then he closes the communication.

And it’s while he’s getting dressed that it happens again.

_Rey…_

Her agitation, her fear become tangible. They invade his mind and they take possession of him. She is dreaming. Through her closed eyes Kylo Ren sees figures cloaked in white emerging from the shadows. An icy wind moves with them. They call him. They offer him their arms, they ask him to let himself be encased in them. Ages have passed and he sees them passing, moment by moment, while the Force generates, vivifies, destroys. The Force has Rey’s eyes as she tears his chest with her lightsaber. And he realizes he’s doing the same and he hopes that her death will be swift, that she will not suffer.

“Get out of my head!” she screams at him and suddenly there’s just the Finalizer around him.

_This cannot go on._

Somehow it will have to end. They cannot coexist. He had liked to believe that it could be so. Hoping they could be side by side together. But it was just an illusion, a waste of hope that he cannot afford to cultivate any longer.

He must kill her before anyone else does. It’s his duty. He must take her away the Skywalkers’ lightsaber and put an end to it forever.

_In the only possible way…_

He doesn’t feel anything while he breathes deeply, and he imagines to activate the blade, pointing it at himself, letting its deadly energy pass through his heart.

_The only possible way._

He is the Last. To sacrifice himself is a necessary step to put an end to the history of his family.

A voice never heard before resonates in his head. It’s young and vibrant and Kylo Ren feels it as if his owner was in his same room. 

He is a servant of the Dark Side. The Force Ghosts cannot manifest themselves to those who have forsaken the Light. Yet it is happening.

“Let her live. She has no ties with us. Let her live. She’ll go back to being who she was before all of this happened. 

_Us…_

“Who are you?” he would like to ask, but he already knows the answer.

_Us._

“Rey is a Jedi. She must disappear, like everyone else like her. I can’t have mercy.”

He should understand. He who served the Emperor, who exterminated his companions, who rebelled against the Code. Kylo Ren had dreamed of being able to talk to him for years. To Anakin, not to Vader. And now Anakin has finally come to him. To ask him to spare Rey.

_She has to die_ , he keeps repeating himself.

Rey, who whispers his name. Who offers him her trust. Childish, Rey. Rey who turns her back on him. Because she doesn’t understand. Because she _can’t_ understand.

It will soon be over. Because there is no other way. Although he would want there was. Because as long as she’s breathing, he can’t truly desire his own death.


	3. 2.

2.

_Down to the earth I fell_   
_With dripping wings,_   
_Heavy things won't fly_   
_And the sky might catch on fire_   
_And burn the axis of the world_   
_That's why_   
_I prefer a sunless sky_   
_To the glittering and stinging in my eye_

(Nina Gordon, _Tonight and the rest of my life_ )

The pulsating dot of white light is like a blade passing through her brain. Unmoving and icy, Rey has been seeing it for days, more tangible than the reality around her.

It’s the rendezvous location. He’s showing it to her, he is waiting for her in the Unknown Regions, for that face-to-face postponed for too long, and they will meet there, in the sky devoid of stars, refuge of fools, outcasts and adventurers.

They’re demobilizing the base. With the corner of the eye she sees Hux carried away in handcuffs, while enemy fire comes closer and closer to the shelter, digging and destroying.

For this, in the excitement, no one is looking after her as she heads to the hangar where the Millennium Falcon rests. Nobody but him.

"You are leaving without saying goodbye. Like a thief, like…”

She wants to turn around, fake a smile and tell him he’s wrong. That she’s just leaving like everyone else. But she can’t lie. Not to Finn.

“I have to go to him. I have to end it and you know it.” She hardly talked to him about what happened on Ahch-To and aboard the Supremacy. But, when it happened, she did not withhold the truth from him. She just left out a few details that belong to her and Ben only.

“This obsession of yours with Kylo Ren resembles a disease. Or…"

“Don’t say it.”

“Love.”

_Nonsense._

Rey turns towards him. For too long she has pretended not to understand.

“What do you know about love, soldier?”

_And what do I know? That’s what travelers bought by the hour from the maidservants of Hunkar Plutt?_

“More than you for sure.” Finn sorely says. He is the only true friend she has ever had. She had wished that moment would never come. She doesn’t want him to step back. It wouldn’t be fair.

“The barrage fire… You will not be able to pass. And here we need you. We’re on the run.”

Finn’s changed more than he wants to admit. He is a grown-up man, aware of the responsibilities he has chosen to take. “Once you would have offered to come with me.” 

“This is unfair, Rey.”

Yes, it is. But the thought of not having him by her side hurts her. She had rediscovered in those months what it means to have his shoulder to lean on. And she gave him very little in return.

“If everything goes as I hope we will see each other again soon.” She’ll do everything she can to make that happen. She’ll make things right and then she’ll return to them. She promises it to herself with all of her will.

“You are not a murderer.” Rey understands he’s not blaming her. He’s just convinced that she won’t make it. 

“Instead I am. We all are. I hit my opponents like all of you.” 

“It is different. They were not Kylo Ren. I am not saying that their lives were not important. I’m saying that he has branded you in some way. If you kill him, you will change forever. And you will become like him.”

“I have no choice.” Rey bites her lips. He’s right. But she must try. Ben had shut himself away. His thoughts had become complicated and tragic. She had tried to estabilish a visual contact with him, every time founding only fog. According to Hux, he’s gone completely insane. That was not the path she had envisioned for him, the one that would bring him back to the Light.

Chewbacca emerges from the door of the Falcon and warns her that everything is ready. The two droids she’s literally stealing are also on board. Without Chewie, she couldn’t get her act together without tipping off the others. 

“You trust him more than me now?” Finn scolds her.

“He must avenge a friend. You don’t.” It’s brutal, but that’s the way it is. Kylo Ren is no longer the child Chewbacca has seen grow.

“Try to be happy, Finn.”

_I know you can. Even without me._

She kisses him on his cheek without adding anything else, then, with a squeeze on her stomach, she embarks on the Millennium Falcon.

“Help me, Chewie. We have to get through their ranks.” Rey starts the engines. The squeaking of R2-D2 alerts her that the bulkhead of the bunker has been opened. 

“Mistress Rey. I know you may have missed it, but you didn’t get the okay to leave. This violates the primary security rules” C-3PO protests.

Rey does not listen to him. She embarked that petulant protocol droid only because he has served Leia for thirty years and he has in his memory the archive all the information she needs on Ben Solo. And also because he’s the only one who understands the ancient Jedi texts.

She relies on Chewbacca for the vertical takeoff. The narrow walls seem ready to crush the ship but the Wookiee knows the Falcon better than she does and he brings them to the surface unharmed. Just so they find themselves under fire.

“Avoid them as much as you can!” Rey shouts heading to the upper gun well turret station.

_If Finn was here…_ she thinks, immediately dismissing that thought. She has to handle herself, now. She’s fast enough, and her aim is good. She doesn’t need another gunner.

Rey fires a barrage of shots, knicking out two Ties. Only when they fell apart she notices a third coming behind her and ready to fire on the Falcon. The X-Wings took off from the base.

_And that’s Poe who just saved my neck._

His voice burst through her headphones. “You must hurry, heroine. We can’t have your back forever. Go, do what you have to do and come back in one piece!”

Rey sends him a silent thank you, not trusting her voice; more than likely it will break if she tries to talk to him.

“Chewie, jump!” she orders in the communicator.

A moment later the Millennium Falcon disappears into the hyperspace.

****

The droids could feed the little tramp until Kylo decides to be done with him. But he doesn’t often meet someone in direct contact with the Force. Going down into the recesses of the Finalizer to bring the boy his meal is a good opportunity to study him better. The kid called him “hero”. No one ever did. _No one ever had the reason_ to do it.

_One evening in Lothal, many years ago… A baby loth-cat stuck on a tree… I freed the pet… and she said “My little hero”…_

Those thoughts are noxious. When he opens the closet door, the kid’s sitting in a corner. The smell of stale makes him nauseous. He has to get the kid out of there and give him a bath before he throws him into the void.

“Are you hungry?” he asks putting the tray he brought with him on the ground.

The boy nods. Two lighter streaks in the dust covering his face tell him he cried. 

“Basic needs.” Kylo Ren studies him carefully. His empty stomach will push him to reveal the truth. “Do I have to force you to tell me who you are or will you take me to the rebels of your own free will?”

“I am not a rebel. You are powerful. Look in my head. You know it’s true.” The prisoner says it begging, but Kylo Ren doesn’t need his invitation. The kid is a simple creature. His memories are made of stone, mining quarries, wounded hands and the desire for a better life. He didn’t see Rey or Hux in his thoughts. 

“And you want to become a Sith.” It’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard. And he’s heard enough crazy things in his life. 

“Yes” replies the boy, very serious.

“Sith do no longer exist.”

_And I doubt you have any idea of who they really were._

“But you master the Dark Side. In what you are different from a Sith?”

Kylo reflects. This is not the time for a first lesson. That’s the wrong way to approach the Force. Sooner or later he will explain to the kid that the order of the Sith disappeared with the death of his grandfather. But it will only happen if he decides to give him some basic teaching. But he won’t become a Sith. The Dark Side has been on another route for years.

Snoke never wanted to pass down to him the lost knowledge in its entirety. Or maybe he couldn’t. But Kylo Ren didn’t sit back while serving the First Order. And now he’s really close to dominating the ancient learning and to renewing it completely.

“I’ll find out soon enough if you lied. Is Han your real name?” he asks him point-blank. Pronouncing that unique syllable is like pouring a drop of acid on his tongue. 

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

_Right. Why?_

Kylo wonders who knows that Han Solo was his father. He wouldn’t be surprised if Rey told everyone. She, or his mother. Perhaps, among the rebels, everyone knows his identity. Why should it even matter? But that little boy, with his name so common and yet so important, could just be a cruel trick.

_But he’s so honest. Pure enough to hurt. Luke would go crazy for someone like him._

Kylo Ren shows him the tray. “Take it. Let’s see what you can do.”

The boy reaches out. Kylo rejects him with a simple gesture. It does not harm him. It is a lesson he must teach him gradually.

“Not this way. Bring it to you. Or starve. I don’t care.” 

The boy stares at him perplexed.

_Too heavy? You can’t do it except with object no heavier than a few grams. Your approach is completely wrong._

“And you want to become a Sith…” He’s smiling too much in those hours, even though he no longer remembers what joy is. “I will dump you on a civilized planet as soon as possible. And consider it an act of extreme clemency.” Finally, he pronounces his name with contempt. “Han.”

Then he locks him back into the closet, longing to be able to forget his existence.

***

  
It worns out, it stings, it doesn’t go away. It’s called guilt and it’s eating her alive. C-3PO won’t stop reminding her she’s doing something crazy. She doesn’t need the irritating chanting of the golden droid. She knows very well that her companions are fighting and dying.

_But I’ll hurry, I swear. I’ll hurry and I’ll come back to you and we’ll be free and we’ll be fine and we’ll laugh a lot and we’ll be happy._

Chewbacca mutters with R2-D2 discussing coordinates. They are on the third jump and soon they will be beyond the Outer Rim. Then Rey will have to rely on her own instincts and on that voice…

_Ben?_

… the voice that continues to call her towards the unknown bright spot that she sees as soon as she closes her eyes. Chewbacca tried to change her mind. But she can’t. She must jump on that absurd journey ignoring fear. They have no precise reference points. But Rey knows she will reach her destination. What will happen next is still unknown.

Chewie repeats for the umpteenth time that this is madness. 

“If you want, I’ll send you down to the first available planet and then I’ll pick you up.” She shouldn’t talk to him like that, but if he and the protocol droid keep repeating that she’s doing everything wrong, she will begin to doubt herself yelding to the temptation to turn back.

Chewie mutters something that sounds like “Spoiled brat like Ben.”

That phrase, that series of grunts, has the effect of a slap. Rey would like to reply she is anything but a spoiled brat. That she would give everything to have a family like Ben’s and she certainly wouldn’t have treated her parents in such a cruel and petty way, but she stays silent. She just threatened to disembark the great Chewbacca from the Millennium Falcon and she will continue to be ashamed of it for the rest of her life. That ship is not hers. She borrowed it from Leia once, and she has taken it without any property rights. Chewie gave her his blessing and she can only be grateful. The Wookiee is the closest thing to an owner the Falcon has. And if Chewie decides to go back to their comrades, he has every right to impose his decision.

But he’s supporting her, and it is her duty to behave. 

“Chewie, I know this sounds crazy. But I have to move on. And if you’re here with me, that means you know, too. Kylo Ren is waiting. We have to do this for Han.”

Chewbacca didn’t get over it. Maybe he’ll _never_ get over it. But Rey knows he’ll feel better when Han’s killer will be dead.

_Even if it doesn’t happen by his own hand. Because that’s what I’m going to do, right? I’m going to kill Kylo Ren._

The Wookiee remains silent, with his head down and his huge arms crossed on his chest, while she closes her eyes and she seeks again with her mind the light that she has identified as her destination.

_I’m coming, Ben,_ she thinks, feeling ready to challenge whatever the Force desires to throw in her path. Even him.

A moment later, the Millennium Falcon is thrusted into the unknown.

***

The kept promises are ghosts that corrode him.

Luke had told him. He would always be with him, like an infestation.

Kylo Ren hasn’t left his quarters for two days. The Force must also be nourished by thought. Luke would laugh at him, pointing out that meditation and spirit care are Jedi things. But Luke was a hypocrite just like his father.

The great Luke Skywalker, and his semidivine blood. The family legacy. He remembers very well when he found out who his grandfather was. Secrets, always secrets. He had grown up with the fable of the legendary Anakin Skywalker, the best pilot ever existed, the noble Jedi Knight, the Chosen One, betrayed and killed by the Emperor during the Purge.

_Darth Vader…_

And Luke repeating to him “Do you trust me? Do you _still_ trust me, Ben?”

He had answered yes, but only with his voice, wondering why they had lied to him his whole life. He was an adult. He was able to understand. Yet they had kept that huge secret.

And it didn’t matter what fairytale was told to children in every corner of the galaxy. The one about how the last Jedi led Vader back to the Light. He knew nothing about his family. They had only told him lies.

_“Vader was powerful and magnificent.”_

That night, Ben Solo voluntarily let the whisper of Snoke enter his thought, to tell him another version of the story.

To think of it as a turning point would be stupid. Kylo Ren knows there’s _never_ really been a turning point. He was born on a path already traced. He never really had a choice. He had always belonged to shadows. And no matter how much, in his worst moments, he wants to expel out of his body every last drop of the Skywalker blood. Only Rey can be so naive and dreamy as to believe that…

_Rey…_

Dark, boiling and suffocating slime. It covers her, takes her breath away, corrodes her.

_What kind of trouble is she in now?_

He can’t find her, as far as his mind’s looking. And there’s no reason for him to worry about her fate. Yet the suffocating sensation, similar to hot pitch running through her stomach, affects him back, too. It’s a bloody nuisance. But he has to keep her safe until the day he slits her throat, if he wants to avoid all that hassle.

His instincts lead him to rush out of his room. He must get to the bridge and track her down. It will take time and he has none. If she’s still on Concord Dawn, then she could have been wounded in battle. But the sensation he feels is completely different from anything he’s ever experienced.

A moment of surprise comes when he bumps his little prisoner and realizes that he has freed himself without too much trouble.

Two big restless eyes look at him frightened. “Sorry. I didn’t want to run away. I just wanted to…”

“Shut up”. Kylo Ren surpasses the kid, ignoring him. He’ll think about him later, once he figures out what kind of disaster that brainless garbage digger got herself into. 

***

Getting out of hyperspace is something you get used to. It has no impact on the body and the feeling of shudder comes only from the change of perspective. Or so it should be.

Because the Falcon collides with an invisible rubber wall.

Pitch black around them. No star in sight and the Falcon does not move. The engines go out, as do all the lights, sinking them down to a distressing, lifeless darkness.

Rey looks at Chewbacca searching for an answer or at least reassurance. But the Wookiee raises his shoulders in a perplexed way. Rey’s fingers run to the buttons in front of her. The Falcon has no reaction. Her eyes wander outside. There is not even a star in sight. The absence of a reference point makes it impossible for them to determine whether the ship is blocked or rotating in a vacuum.

Chewbacca gets up and he goes check the engines. Rey turns to R2. The droid is off and cannot communicate with the on-board computer to detect any damages. And C-3PO suffered the same fate. He fell to the ground and now looks like a giant golden puppet abandoned to itself.

Only when she starts to feel warm Rey realizes how much time she spent searching for a non-existent fault. She wipes the sweat from her forehead and realizes that the cooling system is gone too. Only the red lights of the autonomous generator that filters the air remain on. They will go on for a while exploiting the residue of the nucleus that has inexplicably turned off. The Falcon is big enough to turn into a huge coffin that will slowly kill them, day after day.

Only when Rey gives up, unable to understand if the ones that have passed are hours or minutes, she and Chewbacca talk again.

“We are stuck” Rey tells him, sitting on the floor and regretting for a moment to have fled from Jakku, to not have bartered BB-8, to have helped Finn, to…

The Wookiee responds with something that sadly sounds like “No, we are dead” worsening her mood.

_Great._

If that’s a trap, then she fell right into it. And it can’t be anything but a trap. The guys in black couldn’t get rid of her, so Kylo Ren had thought to throw her that bait he knew she couldn’t resist the lure. It starts to get very hot, although Rey is aware that it is the suggestion that accelerates the process, and that the thick darkness out there is capable to blow her mind.

_If I survive, I swear you’ll pay for it, Ben. Condemn me to die die this horrible way is too much even for your standards._

Rey thinks. She thinks fast, or at least that’s what it looks like to her. In fact, no brilliant idea magically appears in her head.

_It can’t end like this. That would be stupid. If Leia was here, she’d know what to do. But I’m not as smart as her._

She finds it ironic that he’s not witnessing her defeat. He seemed like the kind of guy who likes to watch his opponents agonize. But, on the other hand, what does she know about Kylo Ren?

_The Jedi Killer. The murderer. The parricide._

Ben was different. Or so she believed. Ben who listens. Ben who understands. Ben, who is like her. She bites her lips before asking, but she can’t help it.

“How was Ben once? Before all of this? You’ve known him since he was born, haven’t you? Who was Ben before Kylo Ren?”

She can’t spend the rest of her short life staring at her knees sitting in a corner. They can survive for a couple of weeks using all the remaining oxygen supplies. Might as well have a conversation.

But Chewbacca does not seem to like the idea. He swings a screwdriver at her and invites her to get busy. Of course, Han Solo wouldn’t give up. But she’s not Han Solo, and she’s not Leia. And she feels too guilty for getting them into that situation.

_It’s nothing we can fix by repairing a mechanical failure. To tell the truth, I don’t even know where is the problem and what is the unnatural darkness out there._

There are places strong with the Dark Side, bewitching and lethal. 

They’re deforming, truthful mirrors that force you to look inside yourself. Once she voluntarily immersed herself in one of them. But now…

“Answer me, Chewie. And I promise I will be good and we will find a solution.”

The Wookiee grunts, then grants her a single word in his strange language, a word that seems particularly pleasing to him that day, when it comes to describing Ben.

_“Spoiled.”_

Rey finds herself laughing like she hasn’t done in a long time. It’s the answer she expected. The little prince of Leia Organa. The pride of Han Solo.

Then Chewbacca lines up more words that she’s heard grunting since the day they’ve met.

_“He had too much in his head. He thought too much. I told Han, this kid has too much in his head. Be careful. No kid should have all these things in his head.”_

Chewbacca expects her to react but she says nothing. It was a stupid question. What truly matters is that the “kid with too much in his head” has lured her into a trap. _  
_

_I should have stayed with the others. And now I’m going to die here, with the only company of two dead droids and an angry Wookiee._

Rey rises from the dusty floor of the Falcon. 

“Let’s get out of this mess.”

***

She’s close, very close, yet he can’t find her. She’s rejecting him. When it had come to Rey, Kylo Ren had never relied on navigation instruments but he does that now. Around the Finalizer there is nothing. That’s why he chose that area. Systems and inhabited planets are at the right distance, he can forget all that is superfluous as he proceeds with his research.

_Yet she is here. She is near. I felt her fear._

He keeps looking for her, feeling a dangerous anxiety. He doesn’t have to feel it, he _must prevent_ himself from feeling it. He will find her and settle the score. It is the only thing that matters.

_Pitch…_

The instruments are not helping him. Maybe he’s really imagining everything. Maybe she’s light years away. Maybe he’s completely losing control of his powers.

_No, no, no. She’s here. Somewhere. Let me in, you stupid girl. I can’t help you if you cut me out._

He has to use logic. Analyze every element.

_Suffocation. Heat. Darkness. Instruments on board have no matches. They shouldn’t let you walk around alone, you incapable Padawan. You’re a danger to yourself._

She ended up in the Pit. She, who shouldn’t even be there, who at that moment should be on Concord Dawn trying to survive Hux’s ridiculous military strategies. She has gone straight into an excrescence of darkness avoided in ancient times even by the Lords of the Sith.

_Ironic. If she’d tried to do it on purpose, it’d have been tough. Yet she did._

He seeks her again, this time focusing his energy, visualizing it in the form of a thin red blade and digging it in the compact and sticky darkness, until he finds the necessary space to enter her thoughts.

She senses him and she shots back an absurd mix of anger and hope.

_“Ben! That’s the worst pettiness you could come up with. Making me die like this. Without honor. Without even being able to defend myself…”_

It’s her. It’s definitely her. The temptation to leave her exactly where she is, is getting very strong. 

_“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Stop blaming me for everything that goes wrong in your life.”_

He cannot waste time discussing with Rey her persecutory delusions. He has to get her out of there.

_“Sure. Sending your friends in black wasn’t enough, was it? You had to lure me here and…”_

_“Shut up and listen to me.”_

He didn’t think it would be enough to get her quiet, but Rey immediately stops yapping in his head.

_“That place cancels the Light. It devours it. You have to get out from there. The Light Side is a juicy bite and I’m sure a Jedi is an authentic feast for that thing. I can get you out, but you have to help me. There’s a part of darkness in you. You know that. Let it emerge. This is the only way the Pit will let you go.”_

In response he receives only a stubborn silence.

_“Rey…”_

_“I will never do it. I will not let the Dark Side in. It only takes once to get lost forever. I know how it works.”_

Obstinate. He should remind her that she already did it. She told him herself. But he’s certain that neither of them wants to remember the night they confided each other’s weaknesses.

_“Stop acting like a fool. You’re not getting out of this alive. You’re not getting out of this at all.”_

Again that deafening silence, then a burning new thought.

_“Good. You should be happy for that.”_

Kylo Ren stares at the useless control panel without seeing it. It’s like having a compact white wall in front of his eyes that prevents him from thinking clearly. It’s always been like this. All of his life. Until long, jagged cracks appears and shatter his self-control. Under his fist, metal and glass fall to pieces. The droids will repair everything but for now, it’s fine that way. Since she cares so much, he will let her be devoured and he will not shed a tear.

_“Do whatever you want.”_

Then he’s the one who brings down an heavy silence between them.

He will watch and do nothing. He will watch as she suffocates and sinks into the dark. If she’s so obtuse that she doesn’t want to give up her stupid idea of “good”, he won’t waste any more time trying to change her mind. He sits and waits while the panel in front of him crackles with sparks. It’ll take hours, but he has nothing better to do. He will wait to hear her last breath.

His microscopic prisoner is standing at the main bridge entrance. Kylo Ren wonders how the boy can be so stupid to keep hanging around him.

_Stubborn kid._

If he is a hitman, then he is incapable. If he is a spy, then he is absolutely inadequate.

“Come here, boy. Come to see how a Jedi dies.”

He trots near to him. “I told you my name is Han.”

_Yeah, sure._

Kylo Ren activates the screen. The Pit is a shapeless mass, pulsating miles away from the Finalizer. A giant stomach of darkness from which there is no way out. Or at least there is no way out for stupid girls too stubborn to get help. 

“What is that stuff? It’s strong. It’s like it has a voice. It’s calling.”

She doesn’t want to. Because she’s stupid. But it doesn’t matter. She doesn’t decide. Perhaps his intrusive guest, with his tiny glimmer of power, can turn out to be not totally useless.

“First lesson, kid. Follow my instructions exactly.”


	4. 3.

3.

_We're damaged people_   
_Drawn together_   
_By subtleties that we are not aware of_   
_Disturbed souls_   
_Playing out forever_   
_These games that we once thought we would be scared of_

(Depeche Mode, _Damaged People_ )

It all starts with her fast heartbeat and her dry mouth but it still takes her some time to realize something’s wrong.

Her head rests on Chewie’s knees. She doesn’t know how she ended there but she knows she’s sick more than she should. She reckoned they could survive for weeks. But time seems to be running. Shiver of fever torn her body and a patina of cold sweat covers her face. She tries to lift herself up but a rush of dizziness presses her down.

She really feels sucked away. She couldn’t define it any other way. It feels to her like she is being broken apart, cell by cell. The black thing imprisoning her is truly draining her energy. Chewie will die of starvation and asphyxiation. She won’t. She will be dead long before she gets to feel the hunger bites or the oxygen deprivation.

“Come back" she whispers, like she used to do when she was little. This is no time to give in to visions. But they’re so sweet even if they tear her heart out. “Come back, please. Don’t leave me here… you promised…”

She struggles to keep her eyes open. Her eyelids close down. It doesn’t matter. She’ll keep seeing and maybe this time the memories will become clearer. It would be really funny if everything became distinct just before her last breath.

_“I’ll be back, sweetheart. I’ll be back. I promise…”_

Voices that overlap and merge.

_Mother… father… no… who are you? Who are you, all of you?_

Then a blade seems to cross her chest. She can taste the blood in her mouth, but Rey knows it’s not hers.

Red. Pain. Darkness screams. Again that point of light that has deceived her. Chewbacca grumbles then gently lays her down.

_Stay here. Don’t leave me. Don’t make me fall asleep, Chewie…_

But she can’t talk. It hurts too much.

She is dreaming. It must be so, because from that nightmare there is no way out. Yet those vibrating against her ear pressed on the ground are the Falcon’s engines. And that’s R2’s sassy squeaking. 

“Oh, dear, Mistress Rey. She’s a goner, R2!”

The petulant voice of C-3PO. Concrete. Unbearable. Rey smiles even if her lips hurt.

_You’re a bastard. I told you to leave me alone. You never listen. How dare you save me?_

Her heart beats regularly again, pain disappears swallowed by the two burnt and unusable Kyber crystal fragments around her neck that now glow with a dim light, refusing to vanish forever.

…… 

The useless boy reaches out his hand to the screen, trying to concentrate. An empty gesture, but it is helping him to focus on the target. Or so he says. Kylo Ren would just like him to obey his orders dropping his drop childish acts. 

“Put more effort into it, brat. You’re not getting anywhere.”

He’s not asking the kid to dig an exonium quarry with his bare hands. He just has to sneak into the dark mass with what little of the Force he can manipulate. Crude Force. Looking for a way. Pure and pristine. A thin needle of Potential, so that the Pit can pick it up, release Rey and let him time to pull her out.

“I can’t do it, Master Ren. I don’t know how to do it! Explain!”

No, he won’t tolerate tears. It is not the right moment to whine. They cannot waste time. 

“Focus! It’s not hard! Focus! Sneak in! Can you see it in your head? Can you feel it?”

“It hurts…”

_Oh, of course it hurts. It hurts a lot. You’re poking the bowels of the Dark Side with a sting. And it’s gonna hurt more and more, kid._

“I know. I know very well.” And he also knows that, exonium quarry or not, he’s not asking for a simple thing. It would take years of training to get into the Pit. It’s quite different from moving screws.

_Pointless. It’s all pointless._

He represses his anger. He can’t waste it that way. It’s a source of immense power and he’s gonna need it the second he will grab Rey and drag her away against her will. Because that l stupid girl would rather die than accept his help. 

“Listen” Kylo Ren breathes deeply trying to regain control. How much time remains? Hours. Minutes, maybe. “A friend of mine is trapped in there. That thing is lethal. I can’t free her without your help. I need you. if you can hold on a little longer, I promise I’ll take you as an apprentice.

_A friend of mine…_

The boy’s heartbeat is a hammer that fills his ears. He’s collapsing.

_No! Not yet!_

Kylo Ren grasps his raw power with his mind and pushes it forward. He’ll never make it alone. It must be directed. It doesn’t matter if that process could damage his mind and spirit forever. The boy doesn’t really count.

Like the beating of immense dark wings, his power strikes. The mass of darkness, deceived by the presence of the boy, is wounded and becomes less dense. Then it retracts and becomes dust, losing its grip. With immense invisible hands, the Force grabs the metal of the ship…

_The Falcon…?_

…and drags it out just before the Pit regains its compactness.

Kylo Ren leans on the control panel. There’s not a single muscle in his body that isn’t shaking. He feels completely emptied.

_“You’re exaggerating, Ben. You risk killing yourself, like this. You’re not all-powerful.”_

He’s telling himself, or so he believes for a split second, before realizing that those are not his thoughts and recognizing again the voice that spoke to him only a few days before, begging him to spare Rey.

“You should be satisfied. I saved her life. That’s what you wanted, right?”

Kylo doesn’t know if he…

_I cannot think of you by your name. It is not by your name that I venerated you. Vader._

… can hear his thoughts, but it doesn’t matter. Rey is safe. He must decide whether to contact her, fire on the Falcon or let it get away. If what had happened made sense, he would hit that flying piece of iron without a second thought. But _none_ of this makes any sense.

With the corner of his eye he sees the boy crumble to the ground, bleeding from his nose, with empty eyes and a stream of saliva dripping from his mouth.

_I pushed him too far. But he’s tenacious._

He could leave him where he is and let him die. But what he has contracted with the kid is a real debt. When Kylo Ren lifts him in his arms, he discovers that the young street rat is little more than skin and bones.

_As a disciple you are a disaster, Kylo reflects as he entrusts the boy to a service droid to take him to the infirmary. And I’m gonna have to find you a new name._

…

  
When Rey opens her eyes the Falcon is lit and Chewbacca is pouring fresh water between her lips. His worried cries and her burning throat, that makes speaking impossible, tell her she’s been unconscious and through a lot.

But they’re out of it. Whatever happened, they’re out of it and they’re fine.

_I didn’t make it. I didn’t give in. I didn’t give in to the darkness. Not this time. It’ll never happen again._

She closes her eyes trying to reduce the pain she feels pulsating in her temples. It will pass. She’s alive. That’s all that matters. Chewbacca is alive. The droids are intact, the Millennium Falcon flies again.

But she feels completely tired. She fed that horrible thing. She fell in it and ended up feeding it. She wonders if she has any light left. Just enough to survive.

_Oh, that’s not how it works. The Force is everywhere. The Force is everything. The Force would remain in me even if I died. The Force I was it would turn into other Force._

_“You’re learning.”_

His voice. Again. She would like to tell him to leave her alone but her thoughts get tangled and she doesn’t have enough energy to fight him off.

It takes her a moment to focus on the figure dressed in black and to realize that this is more than just a mental contact. She couldn’t stop the Bond. He sees her. He kneels near her. If she had faith in that primitive cult, Rey would think that R’iia is blowing his breath in her eyes to protect her and keep her from seeing Ben clearly.

“Are you done being stubborn? Go home, Rey. There’s nothing here for you.”

_And for you?_

She’d like to ask him why he left, why he abandoned everything one step away from conquering the absolute power. But if she starts babbling nonsense to someone who only she can see, Chewbacca would think she’s crazy. 

_“You are suffering, but it’ll quickly pass away. You don’t even realize your power, Rey.”_

His black-leather-covered fingers approach to touch her face. Rey closes her eyes and waits, but nothing happens. He withdrew without touching her. When she looks at him again his face has become sharper but he’s not looking at her. His eyes peer into the interior of the Falcon as if he could see it, trying to rummage every corner invisible to him. And he’s distant again, lost in memories he’ll never share with anyone.

_Why didn’t you leave with me?_

“You called me…” Her throat hurts, but she must know why. Because he wants her dead, that’s clear. But there’s something else. Something he can’t find.

 _“Why should I call you? I don’t want you here.”_ His eyes stare at her and forget about the ship. _“I didn’t call you, and I want you to leave. As I said, there’s no place for you in this story. Maybe in the story of your friends, in that of the ridiculous Resistance, even in Skywalkerr’s. But not in mine. Not anymore. And you have wanted it, Rey.”_

A bitter smile bends her lips. “You want me to die. You can’t hide it.” 

_“Of course I want you to die.”_ The shadow of the man who once was Ben Solo leans over her until he whispers in her ear. _“That’s why I don’t want you here, don’t you understand? You have to leave.”_

Maybe Hux is right. Maybe Kylo Ren has gone mad. Because he says nonsense. It doesn’t matter. Because she reached that corner of the cosmos for the sole purpose of confronting him. And she won’t leave just because he told her to.

_You’re not my teacher, Kylo Ren, and I make my own decisions._

....

The smell of metal, lubricant and adrenaline still permeates the walls of the Millennium Falcon. Hours have passed, and yet Kylo Ren can’t shake him.

He repeats himself that it is suggestion, that he was not concretely there, that what he feels is just a sick form of nostalgia from which he must detach himself.

He could have touched her, if only he had succumbed to a moment of weakness. But he did not. It will never happen again. He doesn’t need any more false visions. He can’t confuse desires for prophecies.

Because he was certain he saw her, magnificent and powerful in the Dark Side, as she walked by his side, solemn as a queen, aware of herself and ready to remove any obstacle from her path. _  
_

_None of this was real.  
_

For months, he had hoped the contact had vanished with Snoke’s death. But, as he had already guessed after the battle of Crait, Rey keeps invading his space and his mind.

She has to leave. She has to leave or it will be over, because he will have only one way to accomplish what the Force wants from him.

_“You have no idea what the Force wants.”_

For a moment, Kylo Ren thinks the useless kid is awake. He turns to the medical capsule but the boy hasn’t moved. He continues to sleep while, by thin tubes, medicines and tonics for the heart are given to him. 

It was the voice of a child or so it seemed to him. But when he speaks again, Kylo Ren knows he’s back. Looks like his grandfather’s not letting him go. 

_“Face her, if you must. But you already know that you will be defeated.”_

“Why don’t you show up, _Grandpa_? Or do I have to settle for the extraordinary nature of this contact? A Force Ghost communicating with a servant of the Dark Side. This would have driven the righteous Jedi Council crazy, don’t you think? Come on. Show me your true self. Because I have no idea who you really are.”

A long moment of silence follows. The idea that he’s gone causes Kylo Ren an acute sense of anguish. Can the rash words of a furious grandson hurt a Force Ghost?

_That’s ridiculous._

_“You have no choice. Neither you nor her.”_

Choice. When did he ever have one? He began to be free only when he destroyed the Jedi Temple, breaking the bonds that his family represented as a hereditary tare.

_“Oh, really? Did the Dark Side set you free?”_

That conversation is starting to irritate him. If he wanted to be lectured, he would have stayed with Luke. And from the man who used to be Vader, he can’t take it.

“I did what they wanted. I freed them from me. I became exactly what they wanted me to be.”

_“Now, don’t feel sorry for yourself, Ben. It’s no good, trust me.”_

Kylo Ren would like to object, tell him he’s not feeling sorry for himself, but he’s just stating the facts. But he’s certain he’d get nothing.

_She understood. Or so I thought._

“Sir, I have to inform you that an YT-1300 freighter is just outside our line of fire. And there is an incoming communication for you”.

_That’s persecution._

Kylo Ren sees Rey’s hologram appear, standing, proud and with an arrogant expression on her face, as if he had not seen her just before thrown like a rag on the Falcon floor.

“Now what the hell do you want, Rey of Jakku?”

….

It took her some time to relieve the tingling in her limbs. Rey has found herself chattering her teeth with no way to stop it. Losing control of herself was an experience she will never want to repeat.

_Never again will I throw myself blindly off the map. Never again._

Once Ben vanished, she curled up in a fetal position hoping that horrible feeling would soon fade away. She tried to adjust her own breath until she felt Chewbacca’s huge arms lift her up and hold her gently, giving her the warmth she needed.

_I feel better. It’s passing. I feel better._

She’s alive. That’s all that matters. She’s passed even that horrible unexpected turn. If she was wise, she’d go back to her friends. Finn and the others are risking their lives, and she dumped them without a second thought. If she was wise, she would fight with them the remaining battles. They’d protect each other, they’d defeat the First Order, they’d all do the right thing. But she is not wise.

“I’m fine, Chewie. Thank you.”

The Wookiee makes a worried moan while Rey gently frees herself from his embrace. She still has a vague sense of dizziness mixed with nausea. She lacks the courage to wonder how she got out of that death trap. The answer would not please her even if she thinks she knows it very well. 

“Mistress Rey, may I suggest we leave this place as soon as possible?” C-3PO’s petulant voice gives her a new wave of anxiety. 

“Of course you can.” Rey ignores him and she drags herself to the navigation console. Kylo Ren isn’t too far. It only takes her a matter of seconds to locate his Star Destroyer. Now all she has to do is to decide. She’ll have to stay at a safe distance to keep him from shooting at her. She learned her lesson and she doesn’t want to die a fool.

_Seriously, Ben. What damn dark trick did you use to save me? And most importantly, how dare you save me?_

Chewie mumbles something she doesn’t understand but it’s not hard to grasp. 

“Yes, it’s a crazy thing. Maybe the last crazy thing of our lives. Let’s go get him and get it over with once and for all.”

She doesn’t need the light speed. The ship of Kylo Ren can be reached in ten minutes. Then she will do what she must. She will challenge him to a duel. Jedi against Jedi. He cannot refuse. And if he does, she won’t give him a break. He has no idea how stubborn she can be.

When she sees the enormous ship appear, Rey feels a knot in her throat.

The quiet beep of R2 informs her that on board there are only two life forms. She wonders how can Kylo Ren govern that enormous machine with the help of a single attendant. She also wonders _who_ the attendant is and how he gained Ben’s trust enough to go with him on that absurd escape from the First Order.

Not that it matters. Whoever he is, he’s gonna have to get another job soon. She gets up and tries to take on an air of extreme determination. Then she orders the communication system to forward a message to Kylo Ren.

…

  
“Well. I’m waiting.” 

Annoying. Why didn’t she leave? And why did he buy Rey time before put an end to it? The scavenger doesn’t realize how lucky she was. He never allowed his enemies to survive. 

“Are you in the infirmary? Are you hurt?” she asks him with an incredible nerve.

“No. Do you have any other questions or can I dismiss you?”

Rey seems insulted. What did she expect? That indignant expression doesn’t change things. He owes her nothing, much less kindness. 

“Of course I have other questions. I have plenty, actually. Do you have any idea what’s going on? There’s a massacre perpetrate by your men. There’s a lot of blood spilling, and you thought you’d better get out of there. Why did you do it? It doesn’t make any sense…”

The way her eyes light up when she gets angry is unmistakable, even if she is only a holographic image. He would like to dismiss her with a simple “Not your concern”, but she’s not the type to give up the bone once she’s bitten it.

“Believe me, if I had stayed, things would be even worse for you now.” Hux is a strategist. Kylo Ren prefers massacres. He wouldn’t have wasted time with unnecessary complex plans. 

“Was it up to me? Did you leave to avoid meeting me again?”

Kylo Ren needs a moment to grasp the meaning of that ridiculous question. She couldn’t have actually asked him.

“Let me tell you, Rey, the universe doesn’t revolve around you.”

He’d like to point her out that she never really left his life. That their thoughts, their dreams, even the unwanted visions have continued to fuse, in a delusional amalgam in which it has become difficult to distinguish what belonged to the one or the other. But he keeps the thought to himself. She knows it very well, even if she remains silent, a flickering figure shaded in blue, an impalpable shadow of the real Rey, the brave girl who came to challenge him. 

“Go away.” Kylo Ren insists. He can’t even stand to look at her. She was the last person to betray him and turn her back on him. The last person to make him feel weak. 

“I don’t understand you, Ben” she insists. And when it has not been so?

“It doesn’t surprise me. Go away Rey. Go back to your friends. Go get yourself killed with them. That’s what you wanted, right?”

Again that expression of a wounded doll, that broken stillness of someone who has lost her anger and courage.

“What do you want, Rey?”

She stares at him and then says it like she knew it sounded ridiculous. “A duel. You and me. A duel to end all of this. Another trophy for you, Jedi Killer. Or…”

“There is no other option. You could never win, Rey.”

“I’m willing to take that risk.”

_Really?_

He remembers the message received from the Knight of Ren. He could settle two loose ends once and for all. He won’t give her a second chance. Not this time. 

“Okay.” He is not surprised to sense a shiver of agitation in her. She’s close and her defenses are exposed. They wouldn’t even need to use communicators to talk. But they’re both afraid to reveal too much. “I’ll send you the coordinates. A duel. To the death. Are you happy now?”

“No. But it is right so.” Then she interrupts the communication.

Right. No, it’s not. It’s crazy, like everything else about them. 

“She’s hot. Is she the friend of yours we saved?”

The boy had woken up and emerged from the medical capsule. He’s pulling the tubes out of his nose looking perfectly healthy again. And he, again, did not notice anything. He is getting caught by surprise too easily. 

“We?” Kylo Ren stares at him puzzled. That brat must have a rather confused memory of what happened.

“That was great, Master Ren. When do we start training?”

The kid comes out of the capsule, dripping on the floor. Kylo Ren mentally notes to have him clean it up. He doesn’t like his ship looking like a dunghill. 

“There will be no training.” To dampen that ridiculous enthusiasm is something he must do quickly. He’s already wasted too much time on him.

“But you said that…” 

“I said I’d take you as an apprentice if you could do one simple little thing. And you failed. I had to use you as a power transformer. I can’t commit to a student destined to fail. We’re headed for Sullust. You’ll land there.”

The boy’s eyes immediately fill with tears. Definitely a very awkward attempt to soften him up. He was an expert in forced crying when he was his age. And his mother always gave in. 

“Trust me, it’s for the best. There is nothing magnificent or desirable in the ways of the Force. It’s a life of slavery. So don’t whine. And go take a bath.”


End file.
